Inner Musing

What is this body like? It is certainly not “home sweet home”.

Sometimes I move so fast I do not know where I am,

and sometimes it is a foreign land.

I am going through the motions of being an adult;

paying the bills, clocking in, sharing a smile and a laugh.

Ultimately, it is awkward. I am settled to a solitary life. 

Some people just cannot fit.

Some people just survive, and give, and pet their dogs.

It has been over thirty years, I do not see things changing.

They are actually becoming more solid, more routine, if one can get used to alienation.

I come and I go. 

I make the decision, I take the action, but in the end, 

I feel awkward.

Separated from my skin, separated from my being, 

not sure who is talking when I speak.

My peace is the safe moment in my home, my peace is the safe moment I share with those I have known the longest. 

I rest in you. I rest for a moment in my dear friends, in my mother.

A moment, an hour, but hardly a day. 

I become tense. I question my movements. 

It starts all over again. What is progress? What will 60 or 70 feel like? Still like this? I hope not.